My mom...

[DoYouKubuntu]

...died this morning. It was a long, emotional journey, but she's at peace now. I'll be back eventually...

[oshunluvr]

Sorry to hear that, DYK. Stay strong to get through the coming details you're going to have to deal with, then take some time to grieve.

I hope we hear from you again sooner rather than later.

[sealbhach]

Aww... sorry to hear that. You will no doubt have a lot of grieving to do. Take care.

.

[HalationEffect]

I can (in a limited way) imagine a small part of what you're going through right now - grief and relief, combined with guilt over the relief part.

Best wishes & sympathies.

[bsniadajewski]

Sad to hear that. You have my sympathies.

[SteveRiley]

The important thing is this: your most recent memories are of a welcome reconciliation, and not of a lingering animosity. That matters.

[DoYouKubuntu]

I hope no one minds but I'm pasting in the following from another forum I'm on:

----------------------

Thanks so much for the kind thoughts here and via PM.

Yesterday was surreal on so many levels. Finding my mom dead yesterday morning was both shocking and NOT shocking. I'd actually envisioned it, exactly the way it happened, many times. Somehow I always knew that she would die in her sleep and that I'd enter her room in the morning and find her already dead.

Her face was cold when I found her, but I put my hand behind her head, where it was on the pillow, and it was still warm. I held her and stroked her face and hair, and told her I loved her.

The folder from hospice was near the phone, and I called. I had barely gotten a few words out--my name, and that my mom was dead--when I totally lost it and started crying hysterically. Just then my mom's aide, who has become *SO* much more than just a paid aide (a close friend, a confidant, a shoulder, an ally, my honorary daughter), came in and knew from my wailing what had happened. She took the phone and took over arranging things with hospice.

Throughout the morning I/we made phone calls to let our closest people know. Each time I thought I could talk without sobbing uncontrollably, I found out I had overestimated myself, and our aide would take the phone and finish the conversation.

A hospice nurse arrived to clean Mom up and get her ready for transport. She verified that Mom was dead. The mortuary guys arrived and did their thing. I'm thankful that Mom had long ago prearranged everything, so I don't have to try to make decisions now. She'll be cremated, no service, no funeral, no burial; in the summer, when I can get everybody here at the same time we'll scatter her ashes at our favorite spot in Malibu.

When I was ready the mortuary guys took her out of the house and put her into the back of a white van. Seeing Mom leave her house of 40 years for the last time, like that, was very difficult.

My daughter arrived from out of state last Wednesday. At that time Mom was alert, aware, conversational, eating, drinking, etc. My husband arrived the following morning, early. Again, Mom was alert and communicating throughout the day Thursday. Everything turned on Friday morning, where she slipped into an almost catatonic state. From that point forward there were some brief moments when she'd open her eyes, but for the most part she was shutting down--not eating, not drinking, not communicating. My husband and daughter both left Sunday...and I KNEW that Mom was going to die after they left. I was right. My daughter's flying back in today; she'll be here early this afternoon.

Sunday night I knew I was seeing Mom for the last time alive. I used an eyedropper to put some freshly squeezed tangerine juice [from our backyard] in her mouth, and before I left her room I put the classical music station on [on the TV]. Classical music was very important in her lifetime, and I wanted that to be the last thing she heard.

As I type this I'm in Mom's room. It's been my 'post' for weeks now, with everything in here--my laptop, my phones, my crocheting, my camera, etc.--and this just feels like where I should be. I'm not going to have her hospital bed and wheelchair picked up for...a while. When I'm ready, I'll do it. I just don't think I could stand the total EMPTINESS in here if they're gone, too.

[ardvark71]

I'm sorry to hear of this DYK and you have my sympathies and prayers. Hang in there, ok?

I haven't posted here in a long time but I happened to notice your thread when I was looking to see if there were any new developments in the Kubuntu Linux world.

Best Wishes...

[Detonate]

I wish I had some magic words to comfort you at this time. I lost my mother a few years ago, and I know the pain you feel. Peace be with you.

[dibl]

I'm sorry to see this, DYK, and I hope the coming days bring some increasing peace to your heart. It sounds like you did everything you could for her -- that's all anyone can expect of their daughter.

We (5 siblings and a pack of grandkids and great-grandkids) celebrated my mother's 87th birthday last Saturday. It was wonderful, and she's in remarkably good shape for her age, but I doubt I was the only one who contemplated the unlikelihood of many more such events. My wife and I have both lost our fathers in the past 5 years -- both passed at home under hospice care, so we've come to know more about the dying process than we previously knew. So we know what's coming for our mothers in the not-too-distant future, and eventually for ourselves. Which makes the time we spend with our moms so much more precious.

Be well, and try not to let your grief interfere with opportunities to care for the ones left living in your life.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Thanks, everybody.

I really want to stress how important it is to me that Mom and I had closure over the last year. Our fractured, sometimes estranged, often contentious relationship finally turned into what we both had always wanted, but couldn't have for reasons too complex and lengthy to explain here. Just suffice to say that in the end we were able to enjoy each other and express our love for each other, and I'll always remember and cherish those memories. I'm trying hard to focus on that, rather than feeling cheated that it was such a small percentage of my lifetime. More than anything I hope that Mom is at peace now.

Something that hit me a few days ago happened when my husband and I went outside for a while. I was at my usual post, in Mom's room, keeping an eye on her, and my husband came in and coaxed me to walk around the backyard with him for a few minutes. We were standing out there, hugging, sobbing, and I said "when Mom dies...that's it...ALL our parents will be gone...WE are the older generation now." One day you're a teenager threatening your mother to sign the consent forms so you can get married, or else you'll get pregnant and have a judge declare you an adult, and the next day you're the older generation. A very sobering reality.

[Teunis]

I'm sad with you.

And soooo glad you both sorted old pains before it was to late.

My sincerest condolenses and I'm sure you have a warm place to keep your good memories.

[Achaean]

My condolences.
May she rest in peace.

[Kitzune]

Sorry to hear about that :/