I'm back...if anyone cares!

[DoYouKubuntu]

Hey everybody. After a bit of a break I'm back. Don't know if anyone cares or noticed I was gone, but whatever.

I can't even begin to describe the roller coaster ride I've been on since last year. Suffice to say that I'm dealing with my mom's impending death; she's under hospice care [here at home], but I'm her primary caregiver. The emotional and physical toll has been indescribable, but it's the sadness I feel from the reality that I'm going to lose her that's the most overwhelming. We've had a contentious, often unpleasant, sometimes estranged relationship throughout my life, and only got close less than a year ago. Now that she's dying I feel cheated, yet at the same time grateful to have finally had the mother/daughter relationship I always longed for.

Well, that's the very short version. Hope you're all well and doing okay.

[NickStone]

Welcome back. So sorry to hear about your news regarding your mother, but it is nice to hear that you have put aside any differences you had with her. Life is too short (and precious) to hold grudges. Enjoy the time you have left with her.

[oshunluvr]

Hey! Good to hear from you again! I was just last night telling someone about how we figured out that you could make widgets immutable - about a year or more ago?

You must have felt your ears burning!

Welcome back.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Welcome back. So sorry to hear about your news regarding your mother, but it is nice to hear that you have put aside any differences you had with her. Life is too short (and precious) to hold grudges. Enjoy the time you have left with her.

Thanks.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Hey! Good to hear from you again! I was just last night telling someone about how we figured out that you could make widgets immutable - about a year or more ago?

You must have felt your ears burning!

Welcome back.

Hey there, old buddy. You know what's weird? Yesterday--or possibly the day before (time means nothing to me now...it's just all jumbled up), while sitting by my mom's bed, I was looking at her computer monitor and wistfully found myself thinking, "I *WISH* she could screw up her desktop again." We turn the monitor on in the morning and shut it off last thing at night; its wallpaper is her favorite photo of my favorite cat, whom she adores, and the 'picture frame' widget cycles through tons of pics of mostly my favorite cat mixed in with a few other pets. Mom has been bedridden since September and can no longer use her computer. Until just over a month ago she was completely lucid, then a freak choking incident, which resulted in a frantic ambulance ride to the ER and a couple days in the hospital somehow changed everything. She's now off in a world of her own.

How are things at your end of LA? It's lovely here in Arcadia, sunny, clear, and currently 76.

[oshunluvr]

Sorry to hear about your Mom's condition. It really sucks when something like that happens out-of-the-blue. I know my Father will not likely see the end of the year, but he's been on a long slow decline for a decade. Sad, but inevitable.

On a happier topic: Long Beach is sunny and warm as usual! We got a little convertible Fiat 500c last year (Think "J-Lo" lol ) so I'm usually "topless" around town! My forehead is getting a nice tan already... :cool:

[vinnywright]

Aaaaaa yes ,,,,,,,/dev/human ,,,,,, I do remember you and all your cool linux sayings/humor .

thought you left distro hopping ,,,,sorry to hear the reality of it ,,,,,,,,,,but nice to see you back

VINNY

[HalationEffect]

I doubt you'll remember me, as we'd had very few interactions here on KFN, but I had noticed your absence, and hoped that all was well with you. Sorry to hear about your mother's health problems; I can empathise as my own mother isn't in the best of health (she was diagnosed with emphysema just a few years back), and I've often felt that I haven't been nearly as good a son to her as I could have been.

I've always found your posts to be interesting and thought provoking (and as a card-carrying nerd, that's about the highest praise I can give), so add me to the list of people who are glad to see you back.

[bsniadajewski]

Welcome Back ,hey! Sad to hear about your mother, but glad to see you both finlaly have a good relationship.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Sorry to hear about your Mom's condition.

Thanks. She's been deteriorating physically for almost two years, ever since a fall landed her on bed rest. She simply never regained her strength after being in bed for three weeks, despite having physical therapists come to the house to work with her. She refused to do her exercises, which led to more weakness, which led to more unwillingness to do her exercises... Until September she was still mobile, albeit in a wheelchair--and we had to use a Posey belt to keep her from trying to get up unaided. On September 11 (yes, really) I left for a few hours to see my internist in LA, and when I got home she was in a jackknifed position, head on floor, butt on wheelchair, and had been like that since I left. She had attempted to get up--despite the Posey belt--and ended up upside down. When I saw her I honestly thought she was dead because she was unresponsive. I lifted her torso up into a sitting position, and her eyes rolled back in her head. From that day forward she's been bedridden--and we have to keep her strapped in with a Posey vest. But until the choking incident last month she was 100% lucid. So I was resigned to the fact that she would continue physically deteriorating until her body failed completely, but I was absolutely blindsided by the sudden, dramatic change in her mental state. She's actually delusional now, hallucinating at times, and mixing up time/space/names/people/locations. It's DRAINING trying to humor her and keep her calm and pacified.

I know my Father will not likely see the end of the year, but he's been on a long slow decline for a decade. Sad, but inevitable.

Yes, on both counts--sad and inevitable.

On a happier topic: Long Beach is sunny and warm as usual! We got a little convertible Fiat 500c last year (Think "J-Lo" lol ) so I'm usually "topless" around town! My forehead is getting a nice tan already... :cool:

Oh, I have car envy! I'll bet you're having fun tooling around town topless.

[DoYouKubuntu]

I doubt you'll remember me, as we'd had very few interactions here on KFN, but I had noticed your absence, and hoped that all was well with you. Sorry to hear about your mother's health problems; I can empathise as my own mother isn't in the best of health (she was diagnosed with emphysema just a few years back), and I've often felt that I haven't been nearly as good a son to her as I could have been.

I'm finding that there's much reflection on all parts when a parent is declining. If there's anything you want to say to your mom, or vice versa, please make that happen while there's still time.

I've always found your posts to be interesting and thought provoking (and as a card-carrying nerd, that's about the highest praise I can give), so add me to the list of people who are glad to see you back.

Thanks for the kind remarks. And I certainly do remember you! I love your user name.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Welcome Back ,hey! Sad to hear about your mother, but glad to see you both finlaly have a good relationship.

Thanks. It was a long, winding road but my mom and I finally have the relationship we both--as it turns out--always wanted, but somehow never had. I'm extremely grateful that she and I had the opportunity to work things out while she was still fully present mentally.

[sixonetonoffun]

My sympathies. Am in a similar situation with my mother. Dad is the primary care-giver luckily. Round the clock 24/7 care. Even trivial things like getting out to buy groceries, pickup medication can be difficult. Heck its tough to get privy time for that matter! Hang in there.

[DoYouKubuntu]

thought you left distro hopping ,,,,

Your memory is really good! Yes, I was distro hopping--sort of. I was looking for a lightweight Linux for my old laptop, and in the process tried a number of distros [on my new laptop] that weren't lightweight, just to see what they were like compared to Kubuntu. I remember liking Fedora a lot. I ran all of them live; Kubuntu was, and is, my 'real' OS. Except on my old laptop--thanks to my pal oshunluvr's suggestion, I tried Bodhi Linux and was just amazed. I had upgraded Kubuntu one too many times on that old laptop, and it simply wasn't up to it--it ran like frozen molasses. Bodhi resurrected it, making it run like it's brand new. It's fast and responsive and great.

[DoYouKubuntu]

My sympathies. Am in a similar situation with my mother. Dad is the primary care-giver luckily. Round the clock 24/7 care. Even trivial things like getting out to buy groceries, pickup medication can be difficult. Heck its tough to get privy time for that matter!

Sorry to hear about your mom. That must be tough on your dad. How are you holding up?

You're right that getting out for anything is difficult. Personally, I almost never leave the house any more. I have a nagging feeling that if I leave...I don't quite know how to explain this, but it's like Mom would 'choose' that time to check out, and then I'd come home and feel terrible that I wasn't with her at the end. So I have friends who've graciously stepped in to do things like pick up prescriptions (ironically, the prescriptions are mine, not Mom's!), get gardening supplies, grab some groceries, and so on. Even though Mom's under hospice care now, and we could have hospice people here 24/7, I've chosen to keep the private aide we've had for over a year. I didn't want her to lose her job, plus she's become SO MUCH more than just some random aide. She's become a friend, a confidant, a shoulder, an ally. My mom and I both adore her--in fact, she's now my honorary daughter. She comes in every day and does the morning routine--bathing Mom, changing her clothes, doing laundry, feeding her breakfast, and so on. I'd have gone nuts a long time ago without her.

Hang in there.

Thanks. I'm trying...