Pity party...ignore if you're not in the mood
Some of you noticed that I've been absent lately--thanks for that. 
I'm having a really bad time right now.
On Valentine's day, my mom--you know, the 88-year-old I'm the primary caregiver for--did her favorite stunt...AGAIN...and it ended badly...AGAIN. She attempted to get out of bed--the HOSPITAL BED with RAILS I got her--by herself, and instead of making it to her wheelchair (which was right next to the bed), she fell. I was in the living room, happily working on one of my web sites, legs propped up on the coffee table, laptop on my lap, laboring under [what I now know to have been] a false sense of security that she was safely in bed. Then the UNMISTAKABLE sound of a body and furniture crashing to the floor. I jumped up, ran to her room, bed was empty, Mom's on the floor, bedside table and its contents upside down, and I stood there with my mouth open...and then SHOUTED "What the [F word] have you done?!" I immediately asked her "what was our [F word] agreement?!" and she said "that I not try to stand up unless someone is with me." (This would be SO MUCH easier if she had Alzheimer's or some other ailment that compromises her mental capacity...but she's ALL HERE. She KNOWS what she's doing, and she does it deliberately and willfully.) Then she said "call the paramedics" and I said "I'm NOT calling the [F word] paramedics again unless you have [F word] broken bones!" (I've called 911 so many times in the last 9 months it's ridiculous, and one of these times they're going to file a report questioning what's happening here.) Wait...somewhere in my expletive packed diatribe I ascertained that she was NOT hurt, at least not seriously, like broken bones.
As we [successfully, for once] got her up, I saw blood streaming from her left arm. Her skin is very thin now and bleeds easily. When she fell, she scraped it on something and had gashes from her shoulder to elbow. So instead of leaving the room--which is what I WANTED to do--I cleaned her [latest] wounds, bandaged them, then told her to stay in her [F word] bed because I did NOT want to see or speak to her right then. As some of you know, I've had a SEVERE issue with treatment-resistant, very high blood pressure since my brain tumor was removed, and I'm always in sinus tachycardia anyway (pulse >100). Well, it took HOURS for my BP and pulse to settle back down to their "normals." I was so upset...I just don't even know how to describe it.
I had told my mother--and, in her presence, everyone in our family, plus her doctor, social worker, physical therapist, and aides--that if she got up on her own ONE MORE TIME I was putting her in a nursing home. After I calmed down that night I talked to her and said "you've left me no choice, Mom--it's irresponsible on my part to continue allowing you to endanger yourself like this." Next morning I called her social worker first thing and told him what she'd done, and he knew what I wanted to do next. So he had a placement coordinator contact me. I spoke to her the following day. She sent me the names and numbers and info on several "boarding care" facilities, which are nicer than nursing homes and work for people, like my mom, who don't need NURSING care, but just supportive care for daily activities, like bathing. I scheduled an appointment for Saturday to go tour the one closest to our house, and my sister was going to go with me. I transferred $20,000 from a CD to Mom's checking account so there would be funds available to pay the facility's rent for several months; she paid nearly a $700 penalty on that because the CD wasn't mature. I was dead serious about all this--anyone who knows me KNOWS that I don't bluff. But my sister and her husband came over on both Friday and Saturday, and after several hours of...um...LOUD DISCUSSION with my mother, I agreed to relent and let Mom stay here *IF* we started using restraints on her. Yes, I know, that sounds cruel and horrible, but everyone, including her social worker, is in agreement that when it's for their own safety it's the RIGHT thing to do. So we ordered a Posey belt, which can be used either in the wheelchair or bed, I canceled the appointment at the boarding care facility, and crossed my fingers.
Since then she's fallen two more times, but they weren't because of her breaking our rule. I was with her both times, and each time she was getting up from her wheelchair to transfer to her bed, and just slid down like a sack of potatoes. (She's weak because she REFUSES to do her exercises as prescribed three times a day.) She wasn't hurt. But the stress of seeing my elderly mother on the floor is really getting to me.
Okay, so that's here. Then there's my best friend, who is 3,000 miles away. She had MINOR, outpatient surgery a month ago on her big toe. In and out, no big deal. Until an infection set in. She's a 100% disabled Marine, retired from the Corps because of a heart condition she acquired after drills on a black flag day; she's had a pacemaker since she was in her early 20s. Like me she has a plethora of health problems. So this infection wasn't a good sign. She started out on oral antibiotics, but they weren't working, so she was hospitalized, given IV antibiotics, and then released with a PICC line for IV antibiotics on board. She was improving, and then suddenly got worse...much worse. She was transported by ambulance from Naval to Carteret hospital on the 24th of February. After much testing they found that her hardware is infected. They're going to do cardio-thoracic surgery, I guess to remove/replace the infected hardware, but we don't know when. It's a dilemma because she's too sick for such invasive, major surgery, but if they don't get the infected hardware out she'll just get worse. I'm worried sick. I want to be with her, as she was after my craniotomy, but I can't go. My own health problems, combined with being Mom's primary caregiver, and having a houseful of pets makes it impossible for me to go. If she dies...I just don't know how I'll cope. I've already lost THREE, yes three, best friends over the years, and I can't imagine losing her. I'm so scared.
I'm overwhelmed beyond all description.
I'm having a really bad time right now.On Valentine's day, my mom--you know, the 88-year-old I'm the primary caregiver for--did her favorite stunt...AGAIN...and it ended badly...AGAIN. She attempted to get out of bed--the HOSPITAL BED with RAILS I got her--by herself, and instead of making it to her wheelchair (which was right next to the bed), she fell. I was in the living room, happily working on one of my web sites, legs propped up on the coffee table, laptop on my lap, laboring under [what I now know to have been] a false sense of security that she was safely in bed. Then the UNMISTAKABLE sound of a body and furniture crashing to the floor. I jumped up, ran to her room, bed was empty, Mom's on the floor, bedside table and its contents upside down, and I stood there with my mouth open...and then SHOUTED "What the [F word] have you done?!" I immediately asked her "what was our [F word] agreement?!" and she said "that I not try to stand up unless someone is with me." (This would be SO MUCH easier if she had Alzheimer's or some other ailment that compromises her mental capacity...but she's ALL HERE. She KNOWS what she's doing, and she does it deliberately and willfully.) Then she said "call the paramedics" and I said "I'm NOT calling the [F word] paramedics again unless you have [F word] broken bones!" (I've called 911 so many times in the last 9 months it's ridiculous, and one of these times they're going to file a report questioning what's happening here.) Wait...somewhere in my expletive packed diatribe I ascertained that she was NOT hurt, at least not seriously, like broken bones.
As we [successfully, for once] got her up, I saw blood streaming from her left arm. Her skin is very thin now and bleeds easily. When she fell, she scraped it on something and had gashes from her shoulder to elbow. So instead of leaving the room--which is what I WANTED to do--I cleaned her [latest] wounds, bandaged them, then told her to stay in her [F word] bed because I did NOT want to see or speak to her right then. As some of you know, I've had a SEVERE issue with treatment-resistant, very high blood pressure since my brain tumor was removed, and I'm always in sinus tachycardia anyway (pulse >100). Well, it took HOURS for my BP and pulse to settle back down to their "normals." I was so upset...I just don't even know how to describe it.
I had told my mother--and, in her presence, everyone in our family, plus her doctor, social worker, physical therapist, and aides--that if she got up on her own ONE MORE TIME I was putting her in a nursing home. After I calmed down that night I talked to her and said "you've left me no choice, Mom--it's irresponsible on my part to continue allowing you to endanger yourself like this." Next morning I called her social worker first thing and told him what she'd done, and he knew what I wanted to do next. So he had a placement coordinator contact me. I spoke to her the following day. She sent me the names and numbers and info on several "boarding care" facilities, which are nicer than nursing homes and work for people, like my mom, who don't need NURSING care, but just supportive care for daily activities, like bathing. I scheduled an appointment for Saturday to go tour the one closest to our house, and my sister was going to go with me. I transferred $20,000 from a CD to Mom's checking account so there would be funds available to pay the facility's rent for several months; she paid nearly a $700 penalty on that because the CD wasn't mature. I was dead serious about all this--anyone who knows me KNOWS that I don't bluff. But my sister and her husband came over on both Friday and Saturday, and after several hours of...um...LOUD DISCUSSION with my mother, I agreed to relent and let Mom stay here *IF* we started using restraints on her. Yes, I know, that sounds cruel and horrible, but everyone, including her social worker, is in agreement that when it's for their own safety it's the RIGHT thing to do. So we ordered a Posey belt, which can be used either in the wheelchair or bed, I canceled the appointment at the boarding care facility, and crossed my fingers.
Since then she's fallen two more times, but they weren't because of her breaking our rule. I was with her both times, and each time she was getting up from her wheelchair to transfer to her bed, and just slid down like a sack of potatoes. (She's weak because she REFUSES to do her exercises as prescribed three times a day.) She wasn't hurt. But the stress of seeing my elderly mother on the floor is really getting to me.
Okay, so that's here. Then there's my best friend, who is 3,000 miles away. She had MINOR, outpatient surgery a month ago on her big toe. In and out, no big deal. Until an infection set in. She's a 100% disabled Marine, retired from the Corps because of a heart condition she acquired after drills on a black flag day; she's had a pacemaker since she was in her early 20s. Like me she has a plethora of health problems. So this infection wasn't a good sign. She started out on oral antibiotics, but they weren't working, so she was hospitalized, given IV antibiotics, and then released with a PICC line for IV antibiotics on board. She was improving, and then suddenly got worse...much worse. She was transported by ambulance from Naval to Carteret hospital on the 24th of February. After much testing they found that her hardware is infected. They're going to do cardio-thoracic surgery, I guess to remove/replace the infected hardware, but we don't know when. It's a dilemma because she's too sick for such invasive, major surgery, but if they don't get the infected hardware out she'll just get worse. I'm worried sick. I want to be with her, as she was after my craniotomy, but I can't go. My own health problems, combined with being Mom's primary caregiver, and having a houseful of pets makes it impossible for me to go. If she dies...I just don't know how I'll cope. I've already lost THREE, yes three, best friends over the years, and I can't imagine losing her. I'm so scared.
I'm overwhelmed beyond all description.
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