Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

[bsniadajewski]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

Go ahead. I just finish my beef casserole for dinner, and for lunch (at work) we had roast beef from the local Arby's (we've doing this every Christmastime since I worked there at least.). Gooood stuff, guys.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

DYK, your aren't trying ro proselytize Steve into being a Vegan, are you?

Well, I might have to LEAVE afterward...instead of sticking around for the fireworks. Not my style!

I'm too worn out (more on that in a moment) to address the recent replies. All I can do right now is say that the proof is out there--including on videos that have not been edited one iota--and I think learning the facts about something as hellish as animal abuse is a GOOD thing. I highly encourage all of you dead animal eaters to do that. I've long believed--and I've seen proof of this in real life--that thinking, rational, kind people who learn the facts about the meat industry are disgusted by it. Many, like myself!, then make the only non-hypocritical choice there is, which is to refuse to participate in animal cruelty, even passively (as a consumer).

Now about my worn out condition. My mom is not doing well. She's 88 and has deteriorated rapidly, starting in April after a fall. She didn't break anything, but it started a downward spiral, including a vicious circle of inactivity followed by weakness, followed by weakness-induced inactivity, which led to more weakness...and so on. At one point a few months ago--and I was VERY ill myself at the time--she was refusing to eat or drink, and she lost 30+ pounds (which is HUGE when you're under 5' tall and only weigh 105 to begin with). I told her, in anger, that she looked like she'd just been rescued from Auschwitz. At that time I was in the worst asthma crisis I've ever had, with my lung function at 57%, and on massive doses of steroids, which weakened me to a point where putting one foot in front of the other LITERALLY wore me out. In July, I ended up in the hospital (due to intractable vomiting caused by esophageal thrush--which was caused by one of my inhalers, Dulera). After that, things improved for both of us, but they've recently declined again for my mom. We have someone come in every day to bathe her, change her bedding, do the laundry, and so on; today she took Mom to the doctor and the doctor recommended putting her in a nursing home. I've fought tooth and nail to avoid that because I KNOW it will signal the end for her. My mom and I have not had an easy path--I left home at 16 to get away from family issues I won't go into right now--and we've never been close like mothers and daughters should be. My daughter and I are like best friends. She's told me EVERYTHING imaginable in her life...but that's not how it is between my mom and me. Yet, even in light of lifelong hurt and disappointment I've felt from and about my mother, she's still my mother, and I don't want her put in a nursing home. Tomorrow we're having a hospital bed delivered, which should help. She recently decided--against my VERY DEFINITE instructions to the contrary--that she ought to get out of bed on her own...and ended up on the floor, and I had to call the paramedics...AGAIN. So I'm looking forward to the rails on the hospital bed! Sorry for the pity party, but it's been not just a rough day but a rough year. I'm hoping 2012 is better.

[GreyGeek]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

.....
Sorry for the pity party, but it's been not just a rough day but a rough year. I'm hoping 2012 is better.

I am very familiar with what you are and will be going through. My wife's mother lived with us for 18 years and died here at home, at the age of 93. The last three or four years were very trying on my wife, who was the primary care giver. When June would change a blouse or wear a jacket her mother, thinking she was another woman, would get confused. One time she pulled June aside and said that "You better watch him (me), he's seeing other women!". When she wasn't in bed Hazel spent her time in a wheel chair. She put two groves in the carpet between her bedroom and the Cathedral room where she passed her days watching TV, working on crossword puzzles, For the last three years we, too, had to get a hospital bed with rails on it so she wouldn't fall out of bed. It was also good because it would allow the head or the foot of the bed to be raised or lowered. Even with the rails she would manage to occasionally fall out of bed. Hazel was about 5'4" and weighed over 150 lbs ... a butterball with toothpicks for legs. June couldn't pick her up when Hazel fell down. One night June woke me up so I could help her put Hazel back in bed. She apparently had to go to the bathroom and managed to roll herself over the rails and fell to the floor. The thump is what woke June up. In her struggles to get to her feet Hazel emptied her bowls and bladder and managed to tear off her nightie. She was covered. So was the floor around her. I'm 6'6" and weigh about 250 lbs. It was all I could do to get her back in bed. It would have been impossible for June.

As the end got near we contacted the Hospice service, which is worth its weight in Gold. Hazel chose to die. She just stopped eating and drinking. Hospice helped us identify that phase, which is common. We'd keep her lips and tongue moist with sponge containing Glycerin water. Hospice educated us to the breathing patterns as death approaches, so when it came we knew what was happening.

Most people never see these kinds of events because they ship their elderly off to nursing homes, and aren't around when they happen. Most families require two working parents to pay bills and cannot afford for one to stay at home and care for an elderly person at home. Believe it or not, June was glad to take care of Hazel which, it turned out, was equal to the amount of time Hazel took care of June while she was in diapers and growing up. But, she was also glad that the last 3 or 4 years wasn't the last 10 or 15 years.

It taught us one thing: every day above ground is a good day, even if you are not in full control of your facilities. I don't have even half the mental capabilities that I used to have, but I am smart enough to enjoy my wife, my son, my daughter, their spouses, and my three grandchildren. And I will right up to the moment when I no longer recognize them.

[SteveRiley]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

Well, I might have to LEAVE afterward...instead of sticking around for the fireworks. Not my style!

Mazal, I thought you left us? How dare you spoof the identity of one of our members!

----

I am curious, DYK and GG, about your opposition to nursing homes. All four of my grandparents spent their final days in such care, my parents regularly visited them, and were present at each death. I suspect this is not usual, though, based on what you write and what I observed during the occasional trips back to Columbus from Seattle -- most of the time, the residents appeared to be alone.

I'd imagine that a skilled home is more capable than I am of taking care of elderly parents. But that's no excuse for me not visiting. When my parents reach that age, I suspect we'll have to make some very difficult decisions. Seattle and Columbus are very far apart.

[ardvark71]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

Seattle and Columbus are very far apart.

Hi Steve...

Is this Ohio or Oregon?

EDIT: Ok, I just saw the words "back to," so I'm guessing Ohio.

Regards...

[SteveRiley]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

Is this Ohio or Oregon?

EDIT: Ok, I just saw the words "back to," so I'm guessing Ohio.

Right. Seattle, WA, to Columbus, OH, is 2500 miles.

How'd you come up with Oregon?

[DoYouKubuntu]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

GG, thanks for sharing your mother-in-law's story. So many similarities, but my mom hasn't lost any of her mental faculties. She's still "all there" as far as that goes, but her physical condition... You mentioned the "bowel and bladder all over the place" incident, and all I can say is, believe me, I'm VERY familiar with that now. I've lost track of how many times we've had Stanley Steemer come out for some spot cleaning. One of the guys who came out a few weeks ago had lost his mom in April(?); she was only in her 60s but had a brain aneurysm and died. Something he said really touched me (and keep in mind he was here to clean up my mother's poop): "I wish I still had my mom around to clean up after."

Steve, my opposition to nursing homes is multi-fold. I remember, from when I was really young, the stench, primarily of urine, in the nursing home my great-grandmother was in after suffering a stroke. My grandmother had had her taken there because it was supposed to be a good facility, but after we visited a couple of times, she had her mother moved to a different nursing home. Even though I KNOW things have changed since the '60s, and even though I know that the first place my great-grandmother was in is not representative of all nursing homes, I simply can't shake the memory of that awful stench, and the overwhelming sense of death/dying all around.

Mostly, however, I just know that my mother won't last more than a month in a nursing home. Once she really sees how little freedom, privacy, and control she has...she's just going to fade away. I'll do anything to keep that from happening. But I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on as things are. I'm going to let something out now I haven't acknowledged here before, but if I don't it won't make sense why *I* am so overwhelmed: My husband and I are actually divorced. As some social networking sites offer as a relationship choice, IT'S COMPLICATED! We were married for a long time, then he was having a mid-life crisis, and we got to a point of critical mass--we couldn't even be in the same room without fighting. Anyway, we got divorced--knowing full well that we'll eventually remarry [each other]. AFTER we were divorced--and I had gotten the house in the divorce [since I was the one who'd been paying the mortgage; part of his mid-life crisis involved, with my blessing, his not working]--we refinanced the house after interest rates dropped. (It was a VA loan and he's the veteran, not me. To get the lower rate we had to keep the VA loan.) My divorce attorney was adamantly opposed to keeping him on the title and the mortgage, but I told her *I* knew what I was doing. We have power of attorney for each other, we have access to each other's bank accounts, I created and run his web site. The minute I told him I had a brain tumor he started making plans to be here to take care of me. His face was the last one I saw (other than hospital staff) before going under to have the tumor removed. We got a lot of laughs out of my decision to give him durable power of attorney for health care--which meant he could say when to pull the plug. I mean, really, think of the humor in that! How many exes would *LOVE* to be able to pull the plug on their former spouse?! We refer to each other as "my wife" and "my husband" because we still THINK that way. In our hearts, that's what we are...there's just the little technical issue of actually being divorced. He comes to visit and we get along great. We talk for hours on the phone and always end with "I love you."

But the point of this long-winded offshoot is that I'm here, alone, with my mother. And I'm not healthy. And taking care of her has worn me down physically and emotionally, to a point where I just don't know how much longer I can keep it up. Even though we have help every day, it's me who's with her 24/7. It's me who's found her on the floor so many times I've lost count, and had to have the paramedics come. It's me who has to think up interesting, tasty, NUTRITIOUS meals that she'll eat without bitching about. It's me who has to argue with her to drink enough liquids or to do her exercises...and so on. One day recently when our aide was here, she told Mom it was time to do her exercises. My mom turned her back on her and started playing backgammon [on her Kubuntu computer, of course!] because she didn't want to exercise. *sigh* There have been days when the two of us have spent an hour trying to get her to agree to take a shower. It's exhausting...mentally and physically.

I recognize that we've been very lucky so far, considering all the falls she's had in the last 8 months, none of which resulted in serious injury. One of these days her luck will run out. I was in my 40s when I fell 3 times and broke 3 bones (that was after I'd started losing my balance, but before the brain tumor was diagnosed). If she had a 100% rate of breaking a bone by falling, like I do, she'd be a wreck from head to toe by now! I see that putting her in a nursing home, where she'd have 24/7 monitoring and help, is probably the SAFEST choice for her now, but it's not necessarily the BEST choice. She'd be absolutely miserable.

[ardvark71]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

How'd you come up with Oregon?

Hi Steve...

I live in Oregon.

Actually, I got the names mixed up. I was thinking of Columbia City. Whoops.

Regards...

[ardvark71]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

I'm going to let something out now I haven't acknowledged here before, but if I don't it won't make sense why *I* am so overwhelmed

Hi DYK...

I sympathize with your situation. My parents took care of my three grandparents (my mother's parents and my dad's mother, his father was already deceased,) and I've seen some of the things that can happen.

I will be praying for you and your situation. Hang in there.

Regards...

[SteveRiley]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

I appreciate the time you took to write about your experiences. Wow, you're living in quite a challenging time. I have no doubt you'll pull through, although I sense some exasperation right now.

I simply can't shake the memory of that awful stench, and the overwhelming sense of death/dying all around.

Odors can be powerful memory triggers. The olfactory nerve is located very close to brain structures involved in emotion and memory.

Something he said really touched me (and keep in mind he was here to clean up my mother's poop): "I wish I still had my mom around to clean up after."

I believe I will not forget this story.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

Thanks, ardvark. You're very kind.

I think the worst part of this is that I'm essentially watching the end of my mother's life, and I'm not ready to accept it. When I was a kid, I hated that she was so "old" when she had me (in her 30s), and at my age I just don't feel like losing my mother should be happening yet, especially since she has nothing organically wrong with her. Until April, she was mobile, active, and very independent. (Yet another sidenote: THESE days, women are waiting until they're in their 50s, 60s, even 70s before having children. And I thought my mom was OLD because she was in her 30s when she had me!)

[DoYouKubuntu]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

Well, the hospital bed was delivered a little while ago. Luckily, our aide was just leaving but came back in when she saw the truck pull up. MUCH to my surprise, the equipment company expected us to have removed the old bed. Kind of seems like a no-brainer to me that if someone needs a hospital bed, they're unable to [re]move their old bed. What if my mom lived here alone? Anyway, Maria (the aide) took care of everything and we now have a working hospital bed:

[img width=400 height=266]http://www.smartassproducts.com/images/kubuntuforums/hospital_bed.jpg[/img]

For the hell of it, I'll throw in a shot of my mom's computer. That's my favorite baby, Joy Noelle, as her wallpaper and also in the 'picture frame' widget. She adores Joy. This is the computer that's still running K 9.04 (or is it 9.10?...I can't recall right now), but it does everything she needs, so who cares?!

[img width=400 height=266]http://www.smartassproducts.com/images/kubuntuforums/computer_Joy.jpg[/img]

[eggbert]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

I hate the thought of aging, and especially losing mental agility as I age. Tis a cruel cruel universe.

[DoYouKubuntu]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

I agree, eggbert. In my mind, it would be a fate worse than death to lose my mental ability. But it would also be a fate worse than death to be trapped in a helpless body, while still "all there" mentally. That's what happened to my mother-in-law. She had Parkinson's disease, and it progressed very quickly. She was only in her 70s when it completely incapacitated her--physically. She was completely cognizant of her surroundings, but unable to *DO* anything, even drink plain water (they had to add a thickening agent to it so she wouldn't choke). This was a HORRIBLE way for a person who'd been extremely active all her life to end up. I was actually glad--for her--that she died not too long after deteriorating to that point of utter helplessness. I couldn't stand to think of her trapped in a body that no longer did what her brain was telling it to do.

[Qqmike]

Re: Politics: How do they affect your personal life?

So what is it that we fear/dread or are made anxious about? Well, it is, certainly, having a terminal diagnosis. But after that panic subsides, what is it really? I think it is not fear of death but fear of dying, fear of the process of dying. It would be different if there were a choice to self-terminate at will or by an order (e.g., an Advance Directive). I believe the Germans have finally implemented such (so a German friend tells me)? I mean, if you knew you could simply push a button when ready (take a guaranteed terminating cocktail of pills), accepting and dealing with terminal disease (or aging) would have one element of dread/panic removed. As the saying goes ... we do it for our pets ... Calling your veterinarian and barking into the telephone might get results, but it's a bit humiliating ...